A Moment of Transparency-Journey of Healing

A transparent moment. ❤️

I just wanted to share a bit from the heart.

One of the hardest parts of life is walking through trials that leave you feeling completely weak on every level… and not always talking about it openly because so much of the unknown leaves you — and others — with a giant question mark.

Sometimes, as Christians, people assume you’re supposed to always have it all figured out… to always have everything perfectly aligned. But no one really tells you that, as a believer, you may walk through some of the most ravaging trials imaginable — trials that try to take you out at the root.

And if your eyes were not fixed solely on Jesus, you could easily find yourself asking, “Why us? What did we do to deserve such a hard hand?”

Have you ever battled something you could not see?

Usually when testimonies are shared, people walk you through the attack… then the journey of overcoming. They share how the goodness of God carried them through the hardest moments. Sometimes they can point to scans of broken bodies that God restored, or bloodwork that completely changed. They can say, “This was the before… and now look at the after.”

But in our situation, we’ve been battling what feels like a hidden assassin — something working in secrecy and deception, carrying a venom that has felt deeply destructive. And the inability to clearly identify what we’re up against has made this battle feel unfair.

But who ever said the enemy would fight fair?

He is, after all, the father of lies and deception.

My husband’s illness is still ongoing, and here’s the bottom line, as honestly as I can share it:

He suffers daily with severe pain. Even with pain medication, many mornings begin at a level 10. He walks through the house praying and crying out to God, seeking strength just to face another day.

What started after a hernia surgery led into pelvic floor dysfunction, dramatic weight loss, and major dysfunction throughout the fascia tissue across his body. Over time, his strength and health have continued declining, and no doctor has been able to fully identify the root issue.

He has been tested and scanned countless times across his entire body. We’ve checked for autoimmune diseases, cancers, diabetes, Hashimoto’s, and so many other conditions. But every test, every appointment, every painful prodding somehow led us back to another “no”… followed by another referral to another specialist.

Many of his symptoms simply do not make sense to doctors.

There have been endless ER visits, appointments, scans, and consultations that often left us emotionally exhausted and financially drained — paying for answers that never really came.

There have also been intense prayer meetings, daily and continual prayers, deliverance sessions, prophetic acts, decrees and declarations, hours of Bible reading, “I Am” scriptures spoken repeatedly over his life, fasting, worship, praise, counseling, countless remedies, new eating plans, therapies, and so much more.

But honestly, simply sitting at the feet of Jesus has given him the greatest strength of all.

At times it has felt intensely spiritual, yet it has manifested physically through pain, trauma, and suffering in the body.

Two and a half years of waking up and hearing my husband cry out to God has taken an emotional toll deeper than words can explain.

And yet through it all… I still trust God completely.

I still see Him as fully good.

Fully loving.

Fully powerful.

People have asked us:

“Have you gone through deliverance?”

“Have you repented?”

“Have you tried this?”

“Have you done that?”

So many opinions.

So many recommendations.

So many perspectives on what we should be doing to finally get better.

And honestly, sometimes I stay quiet because assumptions can become overwhelming when people do not fully understand what is happening. When suffering lingers for a long time, you begin to notice the side glances, the wondering, the silent questions:

“What did they do to deserve this?”

Recently someone asked me:

“How do you just keep going as if nothing is happening?”

The truth is… I choose not to give the enemy any more tears than he has already stolen from our family.

One doctor especially stood out along the way — a doctor who studied Eastern medicine and focused on rebuilding Kendall from the inside out. He has been the most positive as he spoke deep truths over us, He said, “Your husband will come through this, this battle will not take Him out. I will help step him into a process of system reset.” He began leading him through deep detoxification and restorative rebuilding: flushing toxins, parasites, candida, inflammation, and trying to help his body reset at its core.

Yes, coming from a person in the medical field as this is hard for them to admit or commit. But he had the courage to speak life when most other doctors could not. In my opinion that is super important, and changes the atmosphere or expectation for our family. We believe God first or course.

Who would have thought that a reset process could be this intense?

But through it all, we truly believe the Lord has been guiding every step.

We may not have every answer yet, but we absolutely have more understanding than when this journey began. More than anything, our trust in God has become fully activated and charged by the power and comfort of His Holy Spirit.

And honestly… I could not be more thankful than I am right now.

Even in the middle of the storm.

Why has our miracle not fully manifested yet?

All I can say is this:

I already see it in my heart as though he is completely whole.

That may sound strange to some people, but it came from an encounter I had with God while I was praying and weeping before Him one day.

I had reached a point where I was mourning my husband as though I felt him slipping away from us. I begged God not to take him ahead of his time.

And then I heard the Lord ask me:

“Do you trust Me?”

In that moment, I released my husband onto the altar before the Lord and simply said:

“Yes, Lord. He is Yours.”

That moment changed something inside of me.

Just because I have seen him healed in the Spirit does not make the walk easier. I understand that the manifestation of full restoration is still unfolding in God’s perfect timing.

But until then…

I will keep trusting Him.

Every single day I believe for a right now miracle.

Every day I agree with life, healing, and abundance.

Every day I stand on the threshing floor thanking God in advance for the miracle I already see in the Spirit.

And somehow in this crushing season, I believe God is producing oil.

The pressure has been intense, but I believe He is using it to refine us — transforming us like diamonds formed under fire and weight. The flesh grows weary, but the spirit continues to rise above the chaos and noise of this earthly life.

I just know that for the level of depth we allow God to truly be Lord in the lowest valleys, then He will be all the more present in our greatest victories. Wells are dug deeper in the hidden places, and from those depths we encounter His glory at even greater heights.

God has continually encouraged Kendall and our family not to give up and not to surrender ground.

The enemy wants us to flee.

He wants to intimidate us into backing down.

But all along, God has been strengthening us with His rod and His staff, commanding us to keep standing through it all.

As Ephesians says:

“And after you have done everything… stand.”

So we stand.

We choose to hold on to the ground God gave us in leadership areas, and trust that if he calls us to it, he will see us through it. His Grace is greatly sufficient.

We do not have all the answers yet, but we are holding tightly to the hand of the Ancient of Days.

He knows all things.

He restores peace.

He restores hope.

He pulls back the veil so His glory can be revealed.

And every time I watch my husband suffer while feeling helpless, my faith stretches higher and deeper into God.

A faith that says:

“I will still worship You.

I will still dance through this battle.

I will still trust You.”

It may not make sense to everyone, but without His steady gaze, I would be standing on sinking sand.

He is restoring our hope daily, even as we suffer quietly.

Over and over again, I see the miracle alive in the Spirit, and I believe this testimony will one day light the way for many others to encounter His grace and goodness.

I love God.

And I trust Him with my husband.

He is a good, good Father.

And one of the greatest blessings through all of this has been the people God placed around us.

The body of Christ has stood around us like an army assembled before battle. We have been loved, encouraged, carried, strengthened, and covered in prayer in ways we never could have imagined.

To our family, friends, CC Community and our Redemption House church family — thank you.

We truly could not walk through this without you.

So as we continue remembering that Jesus is working all things together for good, we pray that same hope over every one of our friends. We’re here for you as well.

May God’s goodness never be measured only by your circumstances, but by the deep wells of gratitude and intimacy He is forming within you.

Hold onto faith.

Choose compassion.

Use kindness.

And please… never judge someone who is suffering.

Bless them instead.

Because one day, you may need that same grace extended back to you.

And God remains gracious through it all.

We have settled our hearts in the Lord.

His blood covers our lives.

We are His family.

His sons and daughters.

Destined to reign with Him.

So if I do not always speak loudly about our struggle, it is because I am continually agreeing with the Word of Truth that says:

“It is finished.”

What Jesus accomplished at Calvary is greater than what we currently see with our eyes.

So I will cling to the Word of God and stand in His victory no matter what this season looks like.

However, I believe that breaking silence is important to make sure that you all truly know that we are still in process to receive our most amazing inheritance. Healing is our daily bread.

I love you, my friends.

Thank you for allowing me to be transparent and share a little of our current journey. ❤️

Audrey